Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Third Post - Change

I wonder why some people can look forward to change...and embrace the unknown. Not me! I want to. I make big plans, dream big and then when the "change" gets closer, I panic. Really panic. Anxiety, nausea, headaches...... I get flooded with thoughts of all that will go wrong. Even though I know this about myself, even though I have done the "work" to limit/control the effects of anxiety, those nasty feelings keep on coming. I'm in the middle of reading, "mindsight - The new Science of Personal Transformation" by Daniel J Siegel, M.D. I understand how my brain works (yes, it's working). The science all makes sense, yet, when change is imminent, my body seems to default back to the familiarity of anxiety and worry. According to Dr. Siegel, what I'm working towards is called "bilateral" or "horizontal" integration. This occurs when the left and right hemispheres of our brain collaborate. Sounds so easy. I get this. It makes sense, but when push comes to shove, I still "feel" anxious. REALLY big time anxious! The "I think I'm going to die" or, "Jim, do you think I have <insert worst case scenario illness>? kind of anxiety.
So, now what? Here I am again, so what am I going to do? Well, first off, I have to sort out if what I'm feeling is anxiety or perhaps a bit of a flu bug, or maybe something I ate. It gets confusing because they all feel pretty much the same. Then, ruling out illness - this may involve a visit to the Doctor, I force myself to pause, to breathe, to think calm thoughts. In my worst days (almost two decades ago) I used to quote my verse....."I have not been given a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power and of love and a SOUND MIND!"  2nd Timothy 1:7 (Bible) Over time I have come to believe and accept and rejoice in my sound mind. So now, when these dips come, I'm not starting right from the beginning but am able to accept the fear. To acknowledge the fear, and then to slowly speak to the fear. If you have ever had an experience with anxiety you know that the fear is absolutely real. The feeling of fear, that is. The triggers are always highly exaggerated and usually involve absolutes like never or always.
As silly or as simple as this sounds, the best thing for me is to get up and move around. I need to have my feet grounded. They need to feel the floor. I need to be connected with the here and now. Once I do that (and trust me, that simple step can take a great deal of effort), my eyes are open and I breathe more naturally. Once I do those steps, the flow of information from my left to right brain (or the other way around) is released. What a difference that makes. I'm not dancing yet, but I can physically "feel" and intellectually "know" that I'm headed in a healthy direction. Peace and balance is restored.
I'm not going to lie to you, this mental health thing can be hard work. It is a lifetime journey. But it is worth it. Why? Because we are worth it! We are worth a life of health and balance! We are worth the knowing of self! We are worth the experience and beauty of life.
Bottom line...........WE ARE WORTH THE WORK!
Are you ready? 


How do you "do" Change?


  1. Nice blog...keep up the good work...some very interesting thoughts here

  2. Sometimes you go with the flow and forget about it.
    :) Welcome to blog world.:)