January 3rd, 2011 and I feel saturated by joy. It's a seemingly ordinary day, yet joy is flowing through my soul. I have never considered myself to be a particularly joyful person – it has been mentioned that I could 'suck the joy right out of a day' (OK, the ex said that, so take it with a large dose of salt). Too often my life has been spent waiting for the bubble to burst, the shoe to drop, catastrophe to strike. It has been difficult to sit, rest, and or simply be in joy. There have been glimmers; the birth of my children, watching Peyton Place with my Omie, sleepovers, hugs and kisses from grandchildren, marriage, salvation……….so much good is a part of my life. However, sitting in joy, letting it pour all over and through me, without the concern of impending doom, has been a challenge. Perhaps it is my aging that has allowed me soak up that sweet spot of joy for longer periods of time. If I have a word for 2011, it is JOY. The thing with joy is that it is not about me! I can't make it, do it, and fix things to obtain it. I can't own it, grab it, cling to it – you may be able to, but not me. When it comes, it comes; it has its own presence. It feels light, yet covers me with its cloak. It brings freedom and isn't confining. I don't go to it; it comes to me – when I let it. Sometimes I picture it hovering around, trying to land, but I'm a moving target and it is when I am still that it settles upon me and I am at peace. Just maybe, it's here all of the time, to bring me strength. Just maybe, now that I'm older and somewhat wiser, I've discovered that I don't have to reach up or out for it; it is within!
|The beauty of nature; a container of joy|