Thursday, January 6, 2011

Twenty Eighth Post - Guest

I am pleased to welcome my friend Ruth as the premier guest writer at Better is Possible.
Welcome Ruth!

Dreams or Dollhouses
A year ago, my dear friend gave me a journal for my birthday. "It's a dream journal" she said, "You write your dreams in it". Great, I thought. Now I have to think about what my dreams still are and what significance they hold for me.
Don't get me wrong, I am a dreamer. My mother used to say that all the time. "Dreamer" she would call me when I saw things I liked or wanted. My mom isn't really a dreamer. She's very practical. We dreamers need people like that in our lives. My daddy was a dreamer. He taught me to dream. We used to do community theatre together, my dad and I. It was one of the ways we dreamt of living different lives together. He taught me that it was okay to dream, my mom taught me to keep my feet on the ground. Life got in the way of my daddy's dreams. Childhood issues that were never dealt with crushed his dreams, but in some way his life gave me permission to dream.
I used to spend hours playing by myself with my dolls and teddy bears and dreams of what life as a grown up would be like. I used to play dress up with my young neighbour and we would dream of going to balls and being princesses and being loved by our prince charming.
I've thought a lot about dreams since I received the journal. My dreams have changed and yet the heart of them has remained the same. I always dreamed of having the family I have now, being loved by my prince charming, who turns out to not be a prince in real life, but definitely is to me. I hadn't dreamt of the struggles it would take to get to where we are now, but I had dreamt of being here. I had originally dreamt I would have little girls I could dress in pink and ribbons and who would be dreamers like me. We could play pretend and have tea parties with teddy bears and dress up in the party dresses I had saved for just such a thing. We would play with my Barbies and dolls that I had saved for the little girls I would have. I raised three sons instead - three wonderful young men who have brought me such joy and in whom I have so much pride. My two brothers have three sons between them who I adore and enjoy. I have been surrounded by boys. My dolls and tea sets have remained intact in storage. Not the exact dream I had, but a beautiful one none the less. I have a daughter-in-law now. That was part of my dream of a growing family. It's wonderful.
I still keep dreaming. Last summer when I was contemplating this concept of my dreams I did something I've always wanted to do. I'm 47 years old and I bought a dollhouse. Not a "Barbie Dream House", but a miniature dollhouse. The biggest most wonderful dollhouse I could afford. My dear friend laughed when I told her. It's not a dream she would have – after all it's my dream. The dollhouse did not come assembled, but that is part of the dream, building and furnishing it. It has remained in its packaging in my craft room since I purchased it. Part of the dream now, I guess, is finding time to build it.
This week my youngest brother's wife gave birth to a baby girl. A beautiful "pink" baby girl. The first granddaughter for my mother. The first girl born in our family since me. I loved her the moment I held her, just as I had her brother and her cousins. My sister-in-law, who would have been quite content to be the mother of boys, knows that my dreams included girls. She will let me buy pink for this precious princess. She will share her with the family that is seriously lacking girls.
This week I opened the box my dollhouse came in. I'm going to start building it. I'm going to share it with my niece as she grows. I want to show her how to dream. I want her to know it's okay to keep on dreaming.

What do you do to keep the "little girl" in you alive?
Thanks again, Ruth! BTW, I want to come and play with your dollhouse with you!!!!


1 comment:

  1. That's a nice story. I too have no girls and have always wanted one to play dress up with. I like to sew girl dresses and I also collect dolls.

    I keep hoping one day to have someone to share them with but alas that's just a dream.