Friday, February 11, 2011

Thirty Fifth Post - Restless

February 11, 2011 and I am restless. I'm also at home sick. That gives me more time than usual to think, plan, dream, plot, scheme, and reorganize my life. Fortunately unfortunately, I don't feel well enough to dust, vacuum and tidy up the clutter that has spread throughout our apartment.

Driving through the mountains in February. GLOOMY!
This inbetween season: not so much winter anymore; but not yet spring, leaves me longing for change. I wonder about the things that are in my realm of control. What  can I change? What needs to be changed? Not a lot. I'm in a sort of holding pattern. It's feels like a bit of a log jam; or at least what I think a log jam would feel like.

This is the time of year I consider a new career, a new house, a new yard, a new wardrobe, a fresh challenge.
This is the time of year I look for ways to pursue further education, be it a doctoral degree or courses that will enhance my counselling practice.
This is the time of year I longingly look at possible places to visit in the summer; whether for relaxation or professional development.
This is the time of year I spend too much time and energy looking at job postings and wonder if it's time to try something else, or keep doing what I do - somewhere else.

I'll not let go of the husband, kids, grandkids, other relatives as well as friends. It's not relationships that are disturbing my internal balance.

I will the gloomy gray to transform to sunny colours. Transformation comes slowly. It's still raining outside, it's still dull. I must be careful to not travel down a road well travelled before. The road of  dissatisfaction. My blessings are evident, the good in my life is before me and behind me.

It is the here and now that are the challenge. Ah, but it's in the here and now that we do our best work (such a therapeutic thought).  I'll do what I've done before. I'll consult with my Reverend,  my friends, my family. They'll do their usual eye roll (yes I can see them roll through the phone). My daughter will exclaim her usual....."Moooooommmm, you're NOT moving to______(fill in the blank)". My loved ones know my seasons.

Eventually the gloom will dissipate. I'll either make some moves towards change, or stay where I am; two choices, right or right.

Vancouver in February

Anybody out there know what I'm talking about? Anybody else out there, looking for the illumination of spring?


  1. Life usually has a way of presenting itself to you and you roll with the tide.
    If your reverend moves, you move, type of thing.
    If he stays, you
    Thing that's good about teaching and counseling is that you are needed everywhere no matter where you go.Going back to school??? Why not if it pleases you.I am the kind of person that likes to try other things, learn other things and in the teaching profession I know that this is what a lot of teachers do in summer and they bring this experience back to their students to enlighten them and sometimes this is the best therapy of all to inspire with.
    All's good.:)

  2. I understand this feeling perfectly. Hope you are having a lovely week.