Saturday, September 24, 2011

101st Post - Senseless

All of a sudden busy collided with zero motivation and my blog posts have been sorely neglected. It's not just about work starting up again, or son2's wedding next week. I am tired, weary, listless. Not sure why, just am. We did have a bit of an incident that I'm feeling a need to process. It's not pretty, so be forewarned....Senseless!

Last Friday night (September 16th) we drove up to Vernon for our last visit before Son2's wedding. Son1 decided at the last minute to come with us. Like!

As parents know when a child of any age is trapped in a car with you, conversation can be brisk, intense, and undoubtedly fun. If you can pry their cellphone/ipad/ipod's away from them, they may even pay attention to you. The four hour drive was non eventful and relaxed. When not talking we listened to Left Neglected via audio book. It was an enjoyable drive.

When we finally got to  Vernon, Son1 headed out to meet up with a new girl. Perhaps the beginning of a new relationship. It was good to see Son happy. Us parents did some tidying of our 'place' and then headed to bed looking forward to waking up in the briskness of a pre-autumn Okanagan morning. Ah, the plans of men/women.

It was around 3am when I heard some stirring outside our bedroom door. My reverend snored away while I got up to explore. Curiosity turned to shock and fear when I encountered Son1 bleeding profusely from his face, his head beginning to swell. He'd been beaten and needed to get to emerg quickly. The reverend was abruptly stirred from his sleep, ordered to dress and off we went to the hospital. 

Fear escalated as we headed up our driveway and found a pickup truck half way blocking our exit. As my rev navigated our way out, I was preparing to leave the car to confront the young man who had inflicted a beating on our son. I had an overwhelming urge to tell this boy to learn to 'use his words!' I am after all a masterful school counsellor. Both the rev and son told me, not too nicely to STAY IN THE CAR. Fine then!

Off we continued to the hospital, me calling 911 on the way. We reported the truck, the boy/young man and the incident. 

What happened? 
The short version (and I am restricted in what I write due to continued investigation) is that when the girl was dropping my son back home after their date, an ex boyfriend of the girl showed up. He allegedly tracked her via the GPS on her cellphone. This young man eventually opened the passenger door where my son was sitting and began pummeling him. 

After two hospital visits, it was determined that my beautiful son had a broken nose, stitches on his nose, and a mild concussion. One of his earrings had been ripped out. By the end of day two, both eyes were black with shades of purple blue and the white of one eye was now red. 

I can not adequately express my outrage. My son is not a fighter. He wasn't in his teens and he isn't now in his late twenties. He did nothing to provoke this young man. As a counsellor I am constantly reminded that there are two sides to every story. In this case my beautiful boy was caught in the 'in between' of the story of two other individuals. I am hopeful that as the police do their work, more background and details will come to light. Perhaps not. Maybe this was a case of a jealous ex boyfriend, who needs some serious help in dealing with his rage. 

My sons wounds are slowly healing. He will most likely still have some bruising at his brother's wedding next weekend. Thankfully the wedding photographer is well skilled in photo shop. The concussion will take longer than the bruises to heal. The trauma of being beat; for my son, his siblings, his parents, grandmother, friends is taking longer to process. How senseless, how sad. 

I must say that no mother could be prouder of how my son has handled this incident.  He has modelled maturity, wisdom and calm. While many would be vindictive, and seek  violent retaliations, he has been the voice of reason. Violence begets violence and I am so proud that he has chosen to go the justice route. It is my hope and prayer that the police and 'system' do their job and justice is served. 

As for me, I have a flower girl dress to finish sewing, hair that needs colouring and cutting, eyebrows that need waxing. We have a rehearsal dinner to plan/host, a speech to write for the reception. All of those are a piece of cake compared to my real fear. I'll fill you in on that next post!

Enjoy your weekend, hug your love ones and stay safe.


  1. Hi - that sounds terrible and as you say completely unnecessary .. and I can feel your fear in the post - I know it will 'go' but not for a long time .. and we just don't need these knocks in life - with thoughts to you and the family .. Hilary

  2. OMG!! How terrible!!
    That guy sounds really bad. If I was the girl I would definitely stay away from him as he definitely needs to go to anger management or sit in jail or both.
    Thank God your son is ok.It could have been worse although it didn't have to happen at all. The girl should have honked her horn to wake people up but I guess she didn't think of it.
    Young people never think things like this can happen but they do
    However they don't listen when they are told to stay home.
    This is every Mother's night mare.

  3. I´m so sorry your son had to go through that. That´s so awful!! Especially since he was innocently caught between the two sides. I can only imagine how you feel. I hope they catch the delinquent who did this to him!

  4. Oh, Betty! What a terrible ordeal for all of you, but especially for your dear son. I'm so glad it wasn't even worse. I couldn't help but think of one of my favorite blogging friends Rosaria and her son Brian who was killed as a result of another young man's choice to use his fists rather than words a few months back. Hope your son continues to heal and that the wedding is a lovely and happy occasion for all.

  5. How utterly horrid, CLPCS!
    I'm glad your son is relatively OK, but having had a concussion myself, I know that's tricky.
    As with Dr. Kathy, I thought of Rosaria and Brian when you wrote this, and the much sadder result in that story.
    I hope your son is well enough healed that he can have a good time at his brother's wedding.
    Blessings and Bear hugs to all.

  6. Shocked, the only thing worse than something like this happening to you is when it happens to a loved one. I imagine it will be harder for family to get their heads round than your son !

    Hope all turns out well and justice prevails.

    RJR Daydreamer

  7. I appreciate your comments a great deal. I hadn't heard about Rosario and Brian that Rob and Dr. Kathy mentioned. How tragic! Makes me realize how fortunate my son was. At any rate, our focus for this week is the wedding. We hope for good weather and good times with lots of family and friends.

  8. I'm glad you didn't intervene, if that person was so fueled with anger it could have gone badly. I simply don't understand such uncontrolled rage, and wonder what he hoped to achieve - if he thought at all. I hope you ALL heal quickly and that the wedding is beautiful.

  9. Truly awful what happened to your son, I hope that justice will prevail, but I don't hold my breath waiting, justice is so evasive.

    Sh Sh Sh Let the Baby Sleep
    Trouble on Earth Day
    Author Kathy Stemke (my spouse)